Falling

I am tired. I feel like I'm being pulled in so many different directions. One part of me wants to stop and scream. Another part of me wants to crawl up under a blanket and hide. So I let go of it all and fall, let myself fall into His hands.

So maybe I will go to Wales over New Years after all. I am making my escape.

All Love

Compassion

To those who tell me not to do these things, please read Isiah 58 and Matthew 25:31-46.

It is Christmas time, and England has turned into a cold frosty land of mulled wine and mince pies. Christmas Eve I spent with Julia and her family, eating Swedish meatballs and sausages and drinking Jaeger. It was a great night, and it ended at Mr Wolf''s in town. On my way home I walked past a Big Issue seller, and he wished me a happy Christmas. I asked him if he had had a good day, and he told me it had been a pretty rubbish day for him, and he explained how he had missed out on a bed at the shelter and how his bags had got lost. Now he was trying to sell The Big Issue on an empty street so he could get money for a b&b. As it was a cold night I told him he could come and stay on my sofa if he wanted to. So it came to be that we walked the road up to my flat together. His name was Alen, and he told me about his life, a story that made me crumble inside and almost brought tears to my eyes. It was a story of abuse, suicides, overdoses and loneliness. Yet I was amazed at his goodness and how he refused to let his circumstances break him down. He said he had met me before, down the bearpit a few months ago. The bearpit is one of my favourite places in Bristol, full of homeless, druggies, buskers and street preachers. My flatmates, Rachel and Sus, had left to spend Christmas with family, so noone else was home. Had they been I probably wouldn't have invited Alen, as I'm quite sure they'd be too worried about having a male stranger picked up from the street sleeping in the flat. We got home, made some tea and I made the sofa up for him, let him have a shower and gave him some clothes to sleep in so that I could wash his own ones. Allthough I was never afraid of him, I said a prayer at bedtime for protection and peace. As the morning came, he got himself dressed and I told him he could keep the trousers as his shorts might be too cold later on. So he did. We said good bye and Merry Christmas and he headed out to try and get his situation sorted. It might have been a drop in the ocean, but however insignificant it might seem, had I been him, it would have mattered. And so I feel peace.

Today is Christmas Day and I am truly blessed.

All Love

Sweden and Winter

Christmas time. I am back in Sweden for 10 days seeing family and friends. It's been snowy and cold most of the time and I've realised I really need proper winter shoes. When I arrived the plane had to land closer to Stockholm as the weather didn't allow the plane to land in Gothenburg. After 5 hours on a bus I arrived at the right airport, and around 4 am I stepped through the door to our house, noticing with delight that the temperature inside was 23 degrees. The bed was waiting for me and the duvet seemed more like a sheet than a duvet compared to the one I got in Bristol, but I was never cold. I have played in the snow, met up with old friends, walked the frozen lake, eaten saffron buns, been fed by my grandma, been to my brother's Christmas concert, and tomorrow will be more catching up and celebrating my sister's 28th birthday. Time has passed way too quick as always, and I have only one more day here. Though I will miss it, there's a niceness about going home to England. Because, however hard it can be to admit it, I do miss my mates!

All Love

Winter Has Arrived

It's been a few really cold days in England. Frosty mornings and some snow is actually resting on cars and bushes. Linda has been here, and we've had some lovely days. Watched my first rugby game live in Bath and suffered from frozen feet after that. And I got a killer cold coughing my lungs out, but hey, it's winter. Decided not to cycle to work, but will take the bus for another week of night shifts.

Linda commented on my layed back life style, consisting of occasional work and lots of tea drinking at coffee shops. What can I say, I enjoy my moments of rest... :)
Today is rich hot chocolate time at Rubicon Cafe/Chocolatier.

A recent subject circulating among people I know have been restlessness. For me as well, I can feel myself starting to get restless feet. It might be that I'm in a state where I'm getting fed up with work, but then at the same time I'm not sure time has come to move on. I've not even been here a year. I just notice that I start dreaming away, start looking for other options... maybe a dream is taking form. Sometimes I doubt I will ever settle down. I'm never satisfied and I dread the dullness of a life of routine. I want to live near fear, cause only then do I know comfort, I want to live facing death so that I know to appreciate life, and I want to live in the storm i order to know true peace. My cousin told me to live much, and I want to know what it is like to be fully alive.

But whatever I do, I would never want to head off alone. I need my companion and friend to go with me, or I'd be lost. So, until I feel time has come, I will stay in these tracks.

All Love

No Internet

I know I haven't been very good at updating my blog, and I blame lack of internet over the last month. My sister Rut was here visiting and it was super sweet. Spa, theatre, sister-talk under the duvet... I really missed her when she left.

Otherwise, for me, I am doing well. It feels like there are a few turns on the road at the moment, and like being on a rollercoster, I feel both excited and a bit nervous about what's ahead. It's getting to the end of November, I can't believe how fast time is going. My friend Linda is coming over to visit in a few days' time, then there is the Christmas party with work on the 2nd. And December 8th I will be on a plane back to Sweden, and I will be home for about 10 days. Looking forward to some catching up, frosty nights and saffron buns. I still haven't decided what to do over Christmas. I have a few options to ponder...

At the very moment I'm at work, doing a night shift. Can't wait til the morning when I can cycle home and cuddle up under my duvet.

All Love

Is that all you got? I'll take your best shot!

Today I'm inspired by P.O.D.'s single from 2002 - BOOM.

Boom! Here comes the Boom!
Ready or not, here comes the boys from the South
Boom! Here comes the Boom!
Ready or not, How you like me now?

Is that all you got?
I'll take your best shot.
x6

Now, you may think, what's the reason for this?
Last weekend I was away in London. While I was away my new bicycle got stolen from outside our house. It didn't even last a week. I took the bus to work and when I met Julia she said she had bad news - my old bicycle had been stolen from outside their house. So both of my bicycles got stolen from different locations on the same weekend. It was a very tough day for me. That was Monday. Tuesday I felt somewhat better and the whole bicycle issue didn't disturb me that much. Wednesday I felt on top of the world. Well, I did before my manager called me into her office. We are dealing with a complaint at work and now I am involved. I had to come in early yesterday to get help with writing a statement. Today I have to come in for an investigation. Those are major issues that I have to deal with at the moment, there are many smaller problems that are too many to mention.

But will I crumble? No. I say to the evil one: Is that all you got?
He may try to destroy me emotionally, economically, take my belongings and my job. He may take my loved ones and take my health, but allthough everything may fall apart - I will still stand. I have only one rock, and that rock will not crumble. If everything is on fire, I will rise from the ashes.

Amen.



All Love

A Good Move

So I have moved houses, and I love living with other people. Coming home from a day's hard work, food ready and good company. Me and Susanna have meals together and have guitar sessions struggling through chords and strumming. James, who's in the room I will be moving into next week has been cooking for us today and served me tea while I was fixing my bicycle. It is worth the extra mile uphill, and the area is full of cute cafes and small shops. Today me, Julia and Maria went painting mugs at a small shop down the road. We will collect them next week, and then it's tea-time for real!

All Love

My new address:

First Floor Flat
21 Westfield Park
Bristol
BS6 6LX
UK

The Shame of My Country

Sunday night, I was working night shift at the hospital. One of my patiensts was unable to sleep and spent most of the night watching the news. At one point he told me they had announced the results from the Swedish election, and he gave me the results. For the first time since I moved to England I was ashamed of my country. The nationalist party, with deep roots in the nazi movement, has now made it into the parliament. I don't know what is worst, that they actually made it or that MY people actually voted for them - we wanted them there! Yesterday I read more about the party's immigration politics. They want to stop the immigration by 90% and would like to see all immigrants in Sweden going back to "their own countries". They want to refuse asylum seeking children to enter the country. Sweden should be Swedish and all other cultures should be banned. Muslims are not welcome. And I cried. It seems hearts are growing colder and compassion no longer dwells in people.

Ironically, the day that the Nationalist Party made it into the parliament, an 18 year old girl from Somalia stepped into our home in Sweden. Her name is Hamdi and she is our new sister. She is muslim, she does not speak Swedish and she is 8 months pregnant. We are so happy to have her, however complicated it makes our lives. I am looking forward to coming home to meet her!

All Love

Me and Jesus in Scotland

So, time for the big summary of my hike in Scotland. It will be a long one, because it was a week full of experiences. I packet my rucksack last Wednesday and flew over to Inverness in Scotland. There I enjoyed my first Haggis, Neeps and Tatties, and were able to spend the night at Callum's, a friend of Rachel's. He thought I'd be cold in my own sleeping bag, so he let me use his. Big thanks!

THURSDAY

I took the bus up to Durness, a small village located at the very north coast of Scotland. I asked the driver were there any cash machines in Durness. Course there is, was his reply. If you'd see Durness, you'll understand my question. I went to see Smoo Cave and some random small caves along the beach, then headed up my first small mountain. The climb was heavy, and I realised having a 20kg rucksack does not make the climb easier. Concerned that it was starting to get a bit late I was trying to find a spot where I could set up my tent, and I realised Scotland is wet - very wet. I finally found a fairly dry spot, set my tent up, cooked some food and fought the midges. I never realised exactly how bad the midges were, but as soon as I managed to escape into my tent, I did not want to get out again - so I went to sleep.

Smoo Cave

Another cave along the beach near Durness

  

FRIDAY

I woke up Friday morning, and very courageously thought to myself: Why, WHY, did I decide to do this? I just didn't want to get out of my sleeping bag, I had no motivation at all. Then, there was a small ball of orange light coming through the tent, and I knew there was a stunning sunrise out there. Before I knew what was happening I had put my trousers on, grabbed the camera, and gone out to capture it. It was beautiful. And the wind had increased, so there were no midges. I cooked some amazing porridge, with seeds and raisins (yum), packed my tent and my bag and took off. With help of my map and my compass I reached the top of the mountain, then headed down to walk across the moorland. I cleaned my first water, which tasted a bit sour, but not bad. Lunch consisted of a slice of rye bread, cheddar and some snacks. When I start walking, I will pause for maybe 10 minutes, then keep on trekking til I reach my destination. After some hours I reached the road, and walked along it for a while. My hips were hurting from the heavy load, and I was starting to get tired. Then a red car stopped and a man asked me if I would like a lift anywhere. I pondered for a moment, then told him it would be nice to get a lift just around the bend of the loch, because I planned to camp there over the night. He asked me where I was heading and I told him I was heading for Ben Hope (the mountain). He then offered to take me there, and though I hesitate for a moment I decided that it was a good offer and said yes. That meant I was a day ahead of schedule, but I felt that my own stubbornness should not hinder me from unplanned turns and opportunities. I could feel God agree and was pleased with my choice. The man, a 69 year old bloke named Alan, took me all around the area and showed me scenery too beautiful to describe and unfortunately not captured, as my camera was packed down in the back seat. Scotland is a very very beautiful place! Anyway, he dropped me off just at the foot of Ben Hope, I set my tent up, fought the midges (worse than anywhere else) and had a meal consisting of rice, beans and midges. Toilet issues are horrble being a girl! Though trying to be as quick as possible, going for a wee my knees were black from midges and I don't want to know what my bum looked like!  Midges in the tent weren't as bad, though they were many. They mainly sit in the roof of the tent and long to get out. Early night.

Sunrise over the sea

Alan, the man who took me on an amazing car ride

SATURDAY
This is my absolutely favourite day. Woke up, decided to take a cold breakfast IN the tent, in fear of midges. Finally went out, packed the tent down and started the trek up Ben Hope. It was a cloudy and rainy day, the top of the mountain covered in clouds, but since I hade to cross the mountain anyway, I thought I'd just as well go to the top. So I did. The climb was soo heavy, I had lots of people walking past me, but then, they were only doing a day trip, not carrying a 20 kg load. I made it to the top, no visability at all. Walked down the other way, trusting my compass and the map. Got some more drinking water, and while stopping realised the wet and muddy trail and all the rain had made my shoes go all wet. Continued to walk down over the moorland, giving me some amazing views once the visability came back. Snapped a few pics and had some chocolate. Looking at the map I noticed a small road further ahead and I felt that was what I should aim for. Walked along a stream and came to a place that made me stop and gasp. My first thought was Paradise. But it didn't seem quite right, and then I realised the place was an incarnation of my view of Psalm 23, The Lord is My Shepherd. The stream was bending around some corners and the current was not as strong as before. The grass growing there was a really lush green, and dwarf birches were hanging down over the water. It is hard to describe how beautiful and peaceful it was, but I could not make myself to take any pictures of it. Some memories are best kept in heart, and no picture would do that place justice. Anyway, I stopped for a moment, then decided to keep walking as it was starting to get late. All along I felt God urging me to watch my steps and keep walking for the road. After a while I could see the road, but discovered that the stream was cutting my way, and there was no way to get to the road unless I could manage to get across. I then realised I'd been following the wrong stream and NEEDED to get across in order to get to where I was heading for. That was when despair came crawling like a spider hovering over it's victim. The stream was violent and the other options were to walk all the way back to where I came from or continue up to the coast on the other side of Ben Hope. None were possible, as it was already 18:30. And I couldn't set up a tent on the moorland as it was too wet. What am I gonna do? kept repeating in my head, I felt panic come creeping and I called out to God don't he dare abandon me at this point. As I started walking back the way I had come panic and fear were replaced by a determination to get across that stream. I remembered the beautiful spot I walked past earlier and decided to head for that place. When I got there I realised that must be the best place to try and get across, I took shoes and socks off, rolled up my trousers, said a prayer and started making my way. Everyone who saw me on Hawaii knows my balance in water is absolutely rubbish, but thanks to some stones just below the surface I managed to get across fairly dry. On the other side I pondered if I should set my tent up there by the stream. It was a beautiful location, hardly any midges and dry ground under the grass. It made very much sense, but I felt God reminding me of that road. We had some sort of argumentation, but I gave in and decided to continue my trek. Adrenaline pumping, the rest of the walk seemed like 5 minutes. All along I felt like Jesus was there with me reminding me to watch my steps until I reached the road. I got to the road and saw a small bothy. A landrover was driving up in front of it, a man stepped out and asked me who I was and what I was doing there. I told him I was hiking from Ben Hope heading for Ben Loyal, and I asked him if I might set up a tent in the area. He said it was fine and I found a nice spot by the stream, set my tent up and started cooking my rice. I was just having my regular fight with the midges when a man walked across the stream with a plate in his hands. They were apparently having a big BBQ by the bothy and couldn't stand seeing me hovering over my little stove. He told me to finish the food and then come over for a drink. So I did. The salmon, the burger, the beef and the salad tasted amazing after walking for 9 hours. I ditched my rice and walked up to the bothy. They were a bunch of 14 guys spending a week in the area hunting and fishing. Most of them were from Belfast, and since I've spent 3 months in Belfast we immediately bonded. I had some cider and some wine, and had my very first oyster. Apparently some opf the guys were ridiculously rich. They all insisted I should stay in the bothy over night, they were all leaving at 22:00 (in reality 23:00), so I'd have the place to myself. I decided that would be nice and went and got my bag. The men were amazed it was the first time I did anything like this and proclaimed that if I were their daughter, they'd be damned proud of me. It warmed my heart, along with the wine and the fire. They left, and I got comfy in the sofa, bundled up with my sleeping bag in front of the fireplace and thanked God for one of the best surprises I've ever had. I think he knew all along what was awaiting by the road... It still makes me smile and I cannot stop thanking God for it.

Way down Ben Hope

Sleeping bag hung up to dry in front of fire

5 of the 14 guys I met at the bothy

 Me and the twins from Belfast

SUNDAY
All nigth, the wind was howling, and though I was safe in the bothy, I have to confess the wind gave me chills of discomfort. The morning came, and the wind and the rain were terrorising the landscape outside the windows. I was pleased to find my tent still standing by the stream further down, and eventually went out to take it down. I went back in, had some leftovers for breakfast and put more logs on the fire. The man looking after the bothy came back and told me I could stay in the bothy until the next day if I wished. I thanked him and had another snooze in front of the fire. At 14:00, I got restless and decided to continue my trek anyway. The rain had stopped although the wind was still strong. One of the first things on my route was to cross another stream. That one was a fierce one, turning into a forceful waterfall. I had no choice but to climb up the mountain on the wrong side, looking for a place to cross further up. Eventually I came to a place where the stream was wide and big stones were visible above the surface the whole way across. I took trousers, socks and shoes off and put it all in my rucksack. Using both hands moving from stone to stone, I managed to keep my balance and get across though the water was pulling at my legs. What a feeling of victory! I continued my trek and had an inner battle of where to go. The place I had planned to aim for, a flat space between the mountains, was being swapped for a route that would take me to the ridge of Ben Loyal. As I continued I told Jesus he'd better help me find a good place to camp, but after Saturday, I felt a completely different trust in having him as my walking companion. All along, I noticed possible places for camping, just in case I'd have to go back. There's my faith ;). As I got to the ridge (not a bad steep one) I started looking for a place to set up my tent. The wind was really strong, and the wind chill was horrible. I wondered how on earth I was gonna be able to set a tent up safely in that wind, but then I spotted a big rock on the middle of the ridge. Behind it there was shelter from the wind, and the grass was dry. I quickly put on my fleece and started putting my tent up. By the time I was done I was freezing, I didn't bother to cook anything, but quickly got changed and went down the sleeping bag. Had some bread and tried to regain some heat. All along the wind was pulling the tent and I was seriously scared the tent would come loose or get ripped. I said some prayers and asked God to be with me in the tent and keep me safe. I sent a text to my dad, saying I wouldn't mind their prayers for me that night. Eventually I go to sleep, but I keep waking up during the night, feeling uneasy and cold.

Reading Hobib Lyle in front of fire. Wind howling.

 Just crossed the stream. Yeah!

Heading for that ridge

MONDAY
I woke up Monday morning, noticing that it had calmed down a bit. I thanked God for keeping me safe, got dressed, watched the sun rise above the mountains and cooked myself some hot porridge. Oh how sweet the taste! I put on my wet socks and my wet shoes, packed my tent and started off. Happy to be half way up the mountain already I cheerfully ignored my sore heels and headed for the top. When I reached it I knew that was the final climb and played around for a bit. Looked for the path down Ben Loyal, but couldn't find it. Decided to do it Frida's way and took the compass out. Halfway down I saw another hiker and nearly shouted for him, happy to see another person. Decided not to, but realised he was walking a trail, and started heading for it. The journey to Tongue (a small village) was a pure enjoyment. It was a beautiful sunny day, and I knew my walk was coming to an end. I enjoyed the landscapes and kept singing as I walked. When I reached Tongue I decided a bed would be nice, and Jesus agreed. So, we checked in for a B&B, I took my wet shoes off, had a well-needed shower and put plasters on my blisters. Spent the evening watching telly, had some good conversations with God about love and life, and went to sleep early. I felt like a happy child.

The top of Ben Loyal

The higher up, the further down

Followed the trail to Tongue

Heading for shower

TUESDAY/WEDNESDAY
Woke up early, packed my rucksack and went down for breakfast. Oh how lovely the hot tea, the toast, the cereal and the fresh fruit tasted. I truly enjoyed it. Then headed off to the post bus that took me to Lairg. Then from Lairg to Inverness by train. I saw a glimpse of Loch Ness before I fell asleep. In Inverness I walked around barefeet, because I felt mean forcing my feet to endure those blisters. I met up with Callum again, I gave him his sleeping bag back and I spent the next day in a cafe in Inverness and in his house.

Thursday I flew back to Bristol. It has been amazing journey, and I'm not sure I'll ever do anything like it again!  :)

All Love

Inverness

Arrived at Inverness airport and it almost reminds me of my time in in Sundsvall, Sweden. The air, the pines, the stillness... Tomorrow I will take the bus to Durness to start off my hike. Excited! All Love

Coughing and Planning

Today I've been home with a cold, enjoying the good company of Fisherman's Friend and Strepsils. The Agency had another unannounced viewing on my flat and I just about managed to put my pajamas trousers on before they came up. Shame on them!

Another thing that happened was I got the maps for my Scotland hike! I noticed that one of the areas I had planned to hike was a clearly marked DANGER AREA. I decided getting blown up by a bomb in the middle of the Highlands was a bad idea, and decided to change my route. I will fly up to Inverness, take the bus up to Durness, do some cave exploring, and then start hiking east down to Ben Hope and Ben Loyal, two mountains I aim to climb. I have about 5 days of hiking, then I will take the post bus back down to Inverness and fly home to Bristol. To everyone worried about me being out there alone, I can inform you I invited God to come walk with me. I will also walk pretty close to the coast and the lochs, which makes it easier to stay on track.

The coast by Durness

Ben Loyal, one of the mountains I aim to climb

All Love

The International Balloon Fiasco

Josefine stayed with me last night, after being out for a superb dinner at MudDock. We were gonna get up early Saturday morning to go and see the release of a hundred hot air balloons at the International Balloon Fiesta. At 5:30 we got up, noticing that there is some rain in the air. We refused to be discouraged, took our bicycles and headed out anyway. By the time we got to our viewing spot it was pouring down and we were completely soaked. We hung around for a while keeping an eye on our watch, wondering, with a growing sense of failure, how long it takes for hot air balloons to ascend. We soon realised our defeat and decided to go looking for somewhere to go for breakfast. We found Beefeater, the restaurant at hotel Premier Inn, and went for a lovely breakfast buffe. The coffee and tea bringing some heat back to our frozen limbs was lovely. We stayed there, eating, chatting and drying for over 2 hours. When I got back home I drowned in my duvet. It is Saturday.

All Love

Dreams of Holiday

Working two 14 hour shifts in a row, spending the night at work since going home would waste precious sleeping time, dreams of annual leave are not far awway. Last week of August I start my 2 weeks of Holiday. Me and Rachel have been talking about hitch hiking to Scotland and camp our way through the beautiful landscapes. Would be amazing, we would start off with a sign saying North. We would bring "human" poo bags, a tent, camera, sleeping bags, a set of extra clothes, a Travelers' Poems book and a small guitar.

Rachel has asked me to move in with her and I seriously consider her offer. I fear we would make it a madhouse  :)

Saturday is Red Carpet Party in Fishponds. We're all gonna dress up in nice dresses and suits and drink sparkling wine. Can hardly wait! 

All Love

Reflex

Saturday night I was cykling home from work after another 14 hour shift. My body was aching, limbs heavy, head tired and my stomach screaming for food. I made it home at 10 pm, had some yoghurt and toast and headed for the shower. Too tired to do the bucket shower I poured myself a bath. Got dressed again and headed out to meet up with Veronica for a final night of dancing before she's moving back to Norway. We went to Reflex, Bristol's 80's club, and we rocked the dancefloor for 3 hours. Then walked to get something to eat and drink, had a chat and went home. Went to bed at 05.30, and had so been up for 24 hours, the amount of time resting in seated position probably not more than 4 hours in total. I got up at 09.30 on Sunday morning after 4 hours of rest, ready to head for church. I managed to stay awake without much struggle, went for a roast dinner with Riddle and then for the cinema to watch Inception. I think I'm ready for a nap by now! Best thing: I ain't got work tomorrow :)

It annoys me that as soon as a guy realises I'm not really into him he assumes I'm lesbian. They can be such idiots sometimes!

All Love

The Free Bird Sighs.

The days pass and my life seems to consist of work and sleep. I am tired and the bird does not fly anymore. But the days will come when I will explore new roads and I will dance on the streets again. Days when worries are left in the past and the excitement of life is my future.

As for now, I will pack my bag and head off the same direction I take every day. The imprisonment of the hospital in Emersons Green. And looking through the window, I have a feeling I'll get there wet!


Han för mig till vatten där jag finner ro. Där jag finner ro.
Finner ro.

All Love

Holiday With the Folks

Friday night was spent on the cold floors of Stansted Airport in London, Saturday I was back in the arms of my beloved family. I went back for a 4-day holiday, and it was some superb days. The sun was shining upon us and we spent the days by the sea; one of the ingredients in life I've been missing in Bristol. Me and dad took Wahoo out for the first time, making 23 knots at the fastest, nearly tipping over from the power of the wind, and I was reminded of why I love sailing. I've been playing beach volley, basketball with my brother, taken the dog for a swim and enjoyed the company of close and dear sisters. I enjoyed my mother's cooking, I woke up each morning to a fridge full of food, and I think I finished their supply of fruit  :) 

So, to say the least: Mum, Dad, Rut, Sara and Adam - I love you! (And Phille is a great bundle of joy...)

All Love

Swedish Meatballs

Today I had to buy a new frying pan in order to make meatballs for 8 for the dinner at Scott's place this evening. Happily, everyone did not turn up and it was just me and 4 lads. The thing with boys is, they eat twice as much as gals so most of the food got eaten anyway.

My dear friend Rachel is trying to persuade me into moving in with her, and she's doing quite a good job. The main issue is the location, which is not ideal for me getting to work and to my regular hang-outs. I'm giving it some time to see where things land. Living with her would be quite a journey though, things always get intense and we always get way excited about everything when we get together.

Big Hurray for St Pauls Carnival that was happening in my neighbourhoods last Saturday. Lots of music, colour and grilled chicken. They played loud drum & base on my street, flat vibrating and me trying to sleep for work next day. Might be a reason why my colleages thought I looked like I had been working the night shift when I arrived in the morning  :)


All Love

The Amazing Trip to Glastonbury!

Tuesday it is, and Frida went to work not knowing it was her day off! Maybe just as good, after spending the whole Monday in bed (except for a short breakfast break). Let me tell you why...

Thursday last week was horrendous, I felt sick on and off all day, couldn't eat anything at all after lunch break (which being me says a lot). Work was as busy as ever, I was tired and one of the patients was so rude she made me cry. I came home, several messages to have me call Dave from Zazu's kitchen urgently. He had organised for me to get in to Glastonbury and needed to know whether or not I wanted to go. Feeling like going to bed and never waking up, I had to tell him that at present I couldn't go, but I might feel better in the morning. Hung up and had my second sad moment of the day. Headed to bed without anything to eat, woke up at 5 o'clock still feeling awful. I called in sick for the day and went back to sleep. Woke up later, had some breakfast and some more rest. Felt much better and let Dave know I was ready to head to Glastonbury. Composed a festival tune on my guitar to set my mood right. I was going to get smuggled in to Glastonbury, one of the biggest music festivals in the world, so popular that all tickets sell out in one day.

Dave and the Yellow Bus

Saturday, after travelling down in Dave's yellow former school bus, I was set up with some other people and together we were brought into Glastonbury by some corrupted security guards for a higher quantity of money. It was quite an experience, we all composed some fake wrist bands to keep us safe during the weekend and went off to enjoy music, food, and spectacular compositions. I hung out with Dave and Vicky, two absolutely crazy hippies. There's no way to explain all the crazy, spectacular things that are to be seen and experienced at Glastonbury. They have so many fields and so many tents and scenes there's no way you can see it all. My two days there were so full of unimaginable impressions I still havn't been able to work it through. I've been jumping among the crowds watching Muse play, I have enjoyed Stevie Wonder live next to a happy hippie shouting how much he loved the legend, I watched a rubbish England play Germany together with a sea of upset Englishmen, I had a sauna together with a bunch of naked hippies, I was up for 24 hours, spending the night in a tipi tent eating pancakes around a burning fire while listening to a man skillfully playing the harmonica. At 5 o'clock Sunday morning me and Dave hitched into the village of Glastonbury and Dave drove us back to Bristol in the yellow bus. Back home I had a well needed shower and went straight to bed. And then I slept.

All Love

Heavy Heart

Some days are tougher than others. When waves of emotions and frustrations come I will be like a pier, letting them wash over me and disappear. But it is not easy to be like a rock when you feel like fragile glass ready to embrace the waves and break into a thousand pieces. Fighting your own heart is never an easy battle...


All Love

Night Shift

Today when I finished my night shift I faced a grey rainy morning. I walked out to my bicycle trying to cheer myself up a bit by thinking that it would only be for about half an hour, then it would be over. As I was rolling down the hill, rain running down my face and stinging my eyes I even enjoyed it, feeling very much alive. Now I am back home, bundled up in bed facing a lazy morning. I have milk in the fridge and fresh bread rolls waiting for me when I decide to wake up.
Good Morning!

All Love

Tattoo: The Pink Rose

So today I had my rose tattoo done. And yes, there is a story behind it. And I'll try to give you the full one, since my sister complained at me just giving a short version. God has on several occasions spoken to me about how people are like flowers. Some words have been very personal, some have affected my way of looking at people around me. That is what this rose represents. The rose stands for the inner beauty of people and is a reminder of this: that it's never too late for a person to bloom. For me this means a lot, because my heart is with some of the most broken people of this city. I look at them and it is so easy to think that for this person, hope is lost. Maybe if someone did something to help them earlier on, but the road seems to lead just one way. The thing is, for God, hope is never lost. He did miracles with a man so lost he was put to die one of the most horrific deaths,and still his moment to bloom came before he took his last breath.

All Love

Stokes Croft Streetfest

Today is pure summer, with 26 degrees in the shadow, and melting hot in the sun. After being on a mission up Gloucester road I took my path down to the Bear Pit, where there were more action than on a normal Saturday. They had set up stalls and a stage and people were scattered all over the place. I found a nice green spot where I placed myself, enjoying the sun, chill music, a good book and people spotting. In an attempt to get my sisters here quicker I can say that I noticed several guys that would easily get their attention. I would sit and spot the kind of guys Rut would fall for and those who would attract Sara. After having more sun than my skin could stand I made my way up Stokes Croft and stopped as I heard the sound of drums. Walked up to another park where there was some drum&dance performance. Made me think of Adam, my brother, and his drum crew. I was fascinated. A man walked around handing out sunscreen and since he didn't stop by me I thought it couldn't look too bad. Anyway, I moved on to go home and make myself a fresh salad. Met the chef of Zazu's Kitchen on my way as he was trying to get as much tan as his break would allow.

Had my salad, time to head back out and enjoy the weather!

All Love

Breakfast and Sunshine

When my parents were here we went out for breakfast at Zazu's Kitchen, and the homemade granola I wanted to order had just run out. Now, the English breakie was great, but I just couldn't get that granola out of my head. So today, my day off, I went there for a second try. When I stepped through the doors they remembered me from last time and gladly announced that the granola was there, before I had said a word. Good job!

I had a delicious breakfast, wrote a letter, then went down to the city centre for some toilet paper shopping. The sun was unmercifully shining over me, and I decided to abandon the city quite soon. On my way back I made two new friends at the bearpit, had a good chat with superman James who hands out food to the homeless and me, and slowly made my way back to the flat. I changed outfit to shorts and sleeveless, got my camera ready and my bicycle out and headed for Leigh Woods. Climbed a tree and enjoyed life, enjoyed CS Lewis and some salty liquerice, then rolled back home. I love Bristol!

From when my parents were here:

• 8 hour walking tour through Bristol, showing my favourite spots
• English pie, beer and cider aboard The Beer factory
• Building IKEA furniture
• English breakfast without granola
• Cardiff by car, too tired and mean to do sight seeing
• The Hatchet for a pint and people watching
• Ma's interesting incident at Hatchet's toilet
• Cornwall by car, me and ma asleep
• St Ives, walking by the stranded boats
• Land's end and the hunt for cream tea
• Me driving left side and almost giving parents heart attac
• Me hugging ma & pa goodbye, leaving them to snooze in my duck down duvet while I cycle to work at 6 am

You're all welcome to visit England's best city!

Ma & Pa at Land's End

All Love

Love Letters

Sometimes I wonder if the difference between a bad day and a good day depends on where you position yourself. England has been spoiling us with sunshine for the last two weeks, and today I was off work. In the afternoon I wandered downtown to buy essentials at poundland, and walking back I sat down at the wall down in the bearpit and started reading and scribbling down some thoughts. As I was busy with my pen some men gathered just next to me. The bearpit is a lovely place, and that's usually where The Big Issue sellers gather, together with homeless and drinkers. One chap wondered if I could help him out with bus money, he had just been to Bristol for court and had to leave before the police found him still here. I gladly gave him what he needed, and he insisted on showing proof of his story. I would have given it to him anyway. He was lovely, we shook hands and he took off.

The bearpit

Another man turned and asked who I was writing to. I told him it was for my sister. He then asked me if I wouldn't write him a letter. I said "sure, what do you want me to write?" to which he responded "I love you and I want to have free sex with you...". I just laughed it off and continued with what I was doing. Before I left I asked for his name and wrote him a note saying "I love you, but I'm afraid  I can't have free sex with you". It made him laugh, he put it in his inner pocket and told me he was going to keep it forever. He then wrote me a note back (see picture). When he heard I was from Sweden he said, "what's your name, Frida?" He thought I was joking when I told him it was :)

To a friendly and lovely person, thanks 4 letter. Send more...

Luv Yeh  X

Now I have to bugger off, I have a dinner with Riddle to cash in!


All Love

A Wreck by Doing Nothing

This past week has been manic, I've spent the past 5 nights in Fishponds with my three girls and the two stuckies. My shift on Monday night got cancelled, so I've joined Nisse and Erik on their vacation, which means basically eating, drinking beer and sleeping. It's now time to get back on track with things, and I am not looking forward to it. I got bills to pay, a flat to clean, food that needs cooking, books to read, studying to be done, a gym to visit and laundry waiting. And I am already tired.

Everyday Hero

Yesterday night me, Julia and Maria + Julias brother's two friends who got stuck in England by the vulcanic ashes, headed out for a night on town. On our way from the pub to the pick-up spot for the taxi we saw a man laying head-down half way down a stairs. The three nurses sprang into action, doing jaw thrust, keeping record of breathing and pulse, and starting CPR before ambulance got to the place. By the time they arrived he got pulse and breathing back and showed weak signs of response. When they left we were all quite shook up, especially by the fact that the man probably had been laying there for a while, people just walking by. During my education I would have dreams about emergencies like these, a reaction to all the information we crammed into our brains I suppose, but this time it was actually for real.

Anyway, none of us felt like going home afterwards, and we ended up going out dancing to get the adrenaline out our systems. It ended up being a really good night.

I hope the chap ended up ok. Alcohol and drugs can be nasty things!

All Love

Dirty Business

Today was supposed to be dedicated to cleaning. Coming back from the gym, a take-away risotto in my hand, I ended up on the sun-drenched porch, and there I fell asleep. Woke up, feeling a bit dizzy, entered my flat and noticed a slightly red colour on my cheeks. Did not want to waste a sunny day and took the bike to The Better Food Company to buy veggies and tea. Then the cleaning started. It is SO much work trying to make an old house look clean. The dirt grows quickly and is packed into every unevenness there is to find (and there's lots of em). You can hardly see the difference but the cloth is black, and so is the water you use to wrench it out. I will not finish today, that's for sure.

All Love

The Truth

I'm having a break in my cousin Matthias' house in Åre, Sweden. In half an hour I'm taking the bus into "town". Going to take a walk on the lake and see if my butt survives :). Snow flakes are slowly making it to the ground and it's so peaceful. It's a nice break for sure.

The last couple of weeks my mind's been spinning around the word truth. I had the image of us living with veils before our eyes, hindering us from seeing clearly. The thing is we all seemed happy to keep the veils, because they justified the ways we lived our lives and formed reality to suite us. But I can't help but wonder what is beyond those veils. What is the utter truth about us, about God and about the reality we live in? Jesus said "I am the Truth" and so, when we get to know Him more we should know more about the Truth. He also said "If you abide in My word, you are my disciples indeed. And you shall know the Truth and the Truth shall set you free". Reading the Bible is not a doctrine we should apply just for the sake of being "religious", but it is a key for discovering truths. Truths about us, truths about God and truths about the reality we live in.

On the train I overheard some men talking about their job and boasting loudly about their income. They filled me with such disgust I felt sick to my stomach and had to leave the bistro. Thinking back, I feel more sadness than anything. They are more lost than they know...


All Love

Home Sweet Home

Arrived safely this morning. It is a weird feeling to come back after beeing away, even if only for three months. Have two weeks to spend in this lovely country, and I'm looking forward to it. Today is Waffle Day. Perfect timing I say  :)

All Love

Randomness

Yesterday I had the day off, and what seemed to be a normal relaxed day turned into a day full of randomness. Just how I love it. After breakfast I decided to head for the gym. Feeling strong and fresh, on my way back I walked past the great Christian man who's out serving food to the homeless and poor everyday, and has been doing so for 5 years. Every day! I am so impressed by him, I think I will join him sometime when I have the day off. Anyway, we had a chat and he made me a sweet cuppa tea for my journey home. So I was walking along with my shopping bag and my cuppa tea, feeling good about life, when a man suddenly stops and heads for me. He claims to be an artist who likes to take pictures of interesting people he meet, and he wonders if he can take my picture. Sure, I reply, and he gets out a camera, takes a shot and disappears down the street. I walk on home, have a banana and start cutting carrots to make soup. Then I get a text from Riddle, a random guy I met on my way home last Saturday night, and I invite him over for soup. A moment later, Riddle turns up with a loaf of fresh bread and we have a good lunch together. He wasn't that weird after all, but actually quite nice :) . Later on Sam and Elaenor from City Church pick me up to go to cell group, which was great.

When I got home my light bulb had broken, and neither me or Lucy could get the old one out. Lucky, Ed moved in with Lucy a couple of weeks ago, and he managed to get it out and also told me to get the fitting changed, cause it looked really dodgy. So today an electrician is coming to have a look at it.

All Love

A Monday Night

Tonight, when I was resting comfortably in my sofa, watchin Into the Wild, candle lit and a cuppa herbal tea, I looked around and realised this was home. And it felt good. My new sofa was given to me for free through gumtree and is comfy, worn and loved. It is now mine and I will love it as long as it's here.

This morning my guitar string snapped on me for the first time. So I have now put new strings on my guitar, and I feel it brought us closer. Am now in the process where I have to tune it three times a song.

My hair is getting long, it's the first annoying cm where you can do nothing about it, it's just there, feel like a short tagged hedgehog. Oh dear! I think I'm moving from cool shave to weird hair...

I read the most common salt intake is through bread. I love bread. Maybe I should stop putting salt on my rice to compensate for it...

All Love

Highlights

Some highlights from the past week.

1. Walking outside in the sunshine and being able to take off my coat for the first time without feeling cold.

2. When Ricks, my all through hardcore-metal friend decided to come along for an 80's night out.

3. Being able to sleep in on a Friday.

4. When Richard, the Big Issue seller, gave me some fruit juice and we talked about hair.

5. When the Pizza Hut waiters danced, sung and made us hats while we were waiting for our pizza.

The lesson learned:

Don't watch The Notebook unless your plan is to feel pitiful and bitter.

Pictures

At the top is what the room looked like when I first went to view it, and at the bottom is what it looks like today. Notice the hot water bottle under the desk (to warm my feet) and my handprints on the wall in left corner.

All Love

Purple Gone

I happily received my paycheck Friday, and for the first time in life I experienced the feeling of "I have MONEY again, I want to spend it all, NOW!!". I've not done that, don't worry. What I have done is, I went and got some paint, which is now on my hands, my clothes, under my feet and all over my purple walls. It feels so good, no bright purple to sting my eyes. Just the nasty curtains that are pulled down and piled under my desk waiting for better times. I'll get some pics up later.

I told my mom bout my simple but absolutely fab lunch I had (fresh olive/organo bread with apple&cider chutney) and she asked me where the meat was. So, for all who plan to make me dinner before Easter, I am on lent not having any meat or alcohol (the cider in the chutney does NOT count) for 40 days. I am also cutting down on sweets, so no chocolate at work. Might sound easy, but if you're on a busy shift and there's a box of luxurios chocs just waiting for you, the extra energy more than welcome... it's hard!

 I have been going to some different churches here, and I have two that I really like, and I thought to myself it will be hard to choose one of them. So I chose neither. Think I might go to both for starters. It's City Church and Bristol Vinyard.

All Love

The Birthday Girl!!

My Happy Birthday

Yesterday was the 19th of February, and I celebrated my 25th birthday. I woke up at 4:30, made a cup of tea and sat down in front of the gas fire reading my birthday cards, getting that "aaaaw"-feeling and sending warm thoughts to loved people. Then I got ready for work. At work they sang for me and got me a sweet card signed by everyone and a birthday gift. They were all amazed at my hair (or non-existing hair), and the old ladies thought I was sooo brave. At 18:00 my girls took me out to Beefeater, my 3rd home (a hotel/restaurant where we stayed the first 3 weeks in Bristol) and we had a gorgeous dinner and a minor party. Then we headed out for a night in town, and we had a great time indeed!

This morning I decided to go to the local bakery and get some fresh bread. When I was lookin for my keys the doorbell rang. It was misters Jehovas' Witnesses that had come to see me. I, just ready to head out was a bit annoyed cause they just kept on talking. I tried to make it clear to them by slowly making my way out the door. I told them I was not interested and they asked me if I was heading out. "Yeah", I replyed closing the door behind me. They left and I realised I had just locked myself out. I went to the bakery, thankful that I had decided to bring my phone for the 5min walk. My agency was closed on Saturdays, but my lovely carpenter went and got me the spare keys. An hour and a half later I was in again, pouring a hot bath and having a fantastic breakfast!

All Love

Heartaches

Today I met Kevin. I met him on my way home from work at 10pm in a lit up tunnel. He was cuddled up under a blanket, and I gave him the last 10p I had in my pocket. You sort of notice him, cause he's got a metal frame holding his head in place after he broke his neck a few weeks ago. He wants to go to a hostel, but until then he's crashing at a friend's, in a tent by the river. He said it was alright though, cause they have sleeping bags.

It makes my heart ache.

Neighbours, I Heart Them

Yesterday I realised why my bedroom is like a fridge compared to the other rooms. One of my windows in the bedroom is not properly fitted, so there's about 1cm of glass missing. They are going to send a carpenter today to fix it. I hope he can make it in through all my mess.

And I've forgotten to tell you about my lovely neighbour Lucy. She's 28, a teacher and she lives on the ground floor. I need to go to her place to read my electricity meter. Anyway, she is absolutely fantastic, she always invites me over for tea, lets me borrow stuff and we have a good chat. I love neighbours you can visit for a moment just because you feel like it. She's going away snowboarding in Austria for a week now, and I am not jealous... not at all.

The gym that I recently joined are providing me with showers. Unfortunately they're not that warm. BUT they do have a Swedish Sauna (it actually says that on the door), and I believe I'm going to spend some good moments in there!

Thoughts and Doubts

I moved away from the country I know well, where my family and my friends live. Where there was always food in the fridge, and hot water in the taps. Where, when cold, you could turn up the heat or make a fire. There, I would never come home to an empty house. The colours of the walls were not purple, and my bedroom did not feel like a fridge.

We all need changes, but when they come, we do not always welcome them with open arms. We like to stick to the ordinary, stay in our comfort zones where everything is familiar. I have had moments of tears, of cryin and of questioning since I came here. For example, why did I move to the "slums" instead of sticking to the "in-all-ways-better outskirts"? I ask myself that, I ask God that, and the only answer I can think of is, because that's where my heart tells me to go. And I'll survive, even though it may not feel like that when it's time to get up in the morning. I thank God for hot water bottles.

All Love

Home Sweet Home

Tomorrow I will go collect my key! I have a home... Me oh my!
You can find me on 58 Albert Park Place, Bristol. I'll get back to you with the full adress.

All Love

Flat Search Come to an End?

To those who know me well I suppose it comes as no surprise that I'm considering renting a flat in Montpelier, just next to St Pauls it is one of the neighbourhoods we have been told to stay out of. Last week I took a stroll through those neighbourhoods and I was struck by the colorfulness, the arts and the variety of people living there. And so when I went to bed that night I realised I do not wish to live in the secure areas, but rather stay with the downies. Tomorrow morning, if I choose to say yes to this flat, it will be mine. Then I will set my girls to help me repaint it and get it shaped up. And yes, it's got plenty of space so you can all come over to see me!  :D   I have a big decision to make...

This is what the flat looked like on the outside (pic from the ad). I don't remember it looking like this, but something like it. It did have a blue door at least. I got the top floor.

All Love

Arriving in Bristol

I hugged my mother and father goodbye (sorry I forgot bout you sis) and went aboard a stunning aircraft that would take me across the waters over to the magnificent island of the United Kingdom. At the airport I met up with another Swedish girl with a heavy load and we travelled together to Bristol. The UKSH (the company I will be working for) is paying for my two week stay here at the hotel, breakfast and £25 dinner. And the food is deliscious! I have a feeling we won't have to worry about loosing weight while we are here. There are five of us (all lovely), and we find comfort in the fact that none of us knows what will happen next. Hopefully we will find out more tomorrow, we face a busy week with lots of information and paper work.

I fear I will have a tough time deciding on if I want to get my own place or share. I keep going back and forth in my mind. At the time I'm thinkin I should practice living on my own, being used to having people around me at all time. Jossan told me today that she had been talking to a friend that lives nearby concerning what areas would be preferrable to live in. The only information she got was to stay out of St Paul, cause that's where all the druggies hang out. It's kinda funny, cause that's the area where I have been looking to move. I might have to think that over again. I know people who would get upset if I moved to such a neighbourhood... My plan is to go see the place and talk to the locals before I make up my mind.

My apologies to those who are annoyed by the fact that I write in English. The reason for this is to be able to communicate to those poor fellows who don't know the supreme language of the Swedes.

All Love